It is heartbreaking watching someone you care about in pain. What can be done? What can be said? How can this person be supported? Grief, in its many forms, is the thread that connects so many and it’s the grief process that is the most challenging life experience. Loss comes in many forms; the loss of someone close to you, the end of a relationship/friendship, even the loss of a beloved pet, can be a challenge.
Loss is difficult and it creates so many emotions as the person grieves. How does an adult explain loss to a child, when the adult is struggling with their own grief? I have grown up in a family where loss has been a part of every day life. My brother, the first born in our family, sadly passed away at five and a half months. From as early as I can remember, we visited his gravesite regularly, it was part of our family ritual. Although he wasn’t with us physically, he was and is very much a part of our lives. When my father passed, he was buried with my brother. This gave me a sense of peace knowing that my father was with me during his living years and now he is with my brother during his sleeping years. Learning to live without my father, however, was another story. I learnt a great deal about myself, my family and my friends during the grieving process. Grief affects behaviour in so many ways, it also changes your life. Life paths, choices, friends, even locations can change after a loss.
Are children that different to adults when it comes to grief? From my observations, children just seem to get on with it. They make time to reflect in their own way. They may ask the questions we want to ask, but can’t. And they are expert at keeping themselves busy with life, something, as adults, we forget as we can be consumed by our grief.
How do we support our children during these challenging and emotional times? The Australian Centre of Grief and Bereavement gives advice on how to support grieving children. This includes reassurance, giving children the opportunity to express their grief in their own way, being consistent, ensuring your responses are age appropriate and setting the scene for healthy grieving.
Every family is different, every situation is different and there is not rule book as to how we manage grief. Every day is different, and every individual feels, sees and hears differently. During times of grief, this must be remembered, especially by those who are part of the support network. The pain doesn’t go away, and it may never be understood, it just gets easier to live with. Talking can help, and sometimes talking to someone who is not directly involved can be useful.
Adults can call Lifeline 13 11 14, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Children, teenagers and young adults can call Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.
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