People are not bears – clearly – however, a recent experience reminded me of a story which highlights the potential impact and power of reinforcement when interacting with others.The story goes like this (and it’s a true story by the way): a man – let’s call him Tasty – was walking in the woods and encountered a hungry bear. The bear decided to eat Tasty and Tasty decided he didn’t want to be eaten. He ran away and climbed a tree which the bear couldn’t climb. But bears are clever and this one knew that Tasty had no escape – it waited at the bottom of the tree.Tasty knew a thing or two about reinforcing behaviours – that is, finding what the bear wanted or needed and providing that as motivation for the bear.Tasty realised that what the bear wanted was him! So Tasty waited and when the bear looked away he climbed a little way down the tree. This got the bear’s attention and Tasty climbed back up.When the bear next turned away Tasty climbed down a little again. The bear looked up and Tasty climbed back up.The bear began to realise it could make Tasty climb down. At first, it turned its head away. Then it backed off a little – and Tasty climbed down a little further.Each time the bear came back Tasty climbed back up the tree. The further away the bear moved from the tree the further down Tasty would climb.Eventually, the bear walked completely out of sight and Tasty climbed all the way down and ran away altogether.Whilst this is a simplistic story it demonstrates an idea – that when we reinforce a behaviour it typically promotes it.In all our relationships it is worth considering: which behaviours do we consciously or unconsciously reinforce in others?People are not bears. But broadening one’s awareness can be invaluable.
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