This year my fifteen year old finished Year 10. It felt like ten minutes since he ditched me at the high college gate and the era of helicopter parenting ended. They grow quickly physically, socially and emotionally at this age – and that isn’t a simple or smooth process for most kids. One of the most important aspects of that is the friendships and friend networks they choose to create. It’s a subtle and often unseen arrangement, which for many people can last a lifetime. The distance between parent and child increases – yes, they get taller and they don’t always need us to wade in to ‘save the day’ or ‘fix the problem’ as they once did. Get it right and you’re the best parent in the world, get it it wrong and hello moody-face and stroppy trousers.
Taking a moment to think about the last two years helps put all the highs and lows into perspective. To realise that it’s foolish to think there’s a magic formula that grows ‘perfect’ children – or worse, that adults are also teen-whisperers.
The photo above is from when Year 7 went to the Japan Centre in Sydney. In the photo below, the same two are holding a recent collaborative artwork which asked ‘If someone new came to the college, what information would you want to share?’
It isn’t at all easy to share a message in an artwork, it’s even harder to create one between a group of people without direction. The message here is ..?
In a few weeks, these students move on to the next stage of their academic life, Stage 5. The penultimate step before completing high college. They might have grown physically, but as people, they have created strong bonds and networks. Whether they are playing tennis or football, kids at this age are heavily invested in creating and maintaining friend networks. The media might have us believe they are more interested in social networks, but it’s important to remember that social networks are just another form of digital communication, which is increasingly temporary and fractured.
It might be hard to see from outside the classroom, but students at this age are incredibly sensitive to the welfare of their friend groups. Yes, they bicker and argue – because teens are exploring lots of social dynamics. They fall out, they get back together, sometimes on a daily basis.
Their brains are still forming, not fixed like adult-brains just yet, despite the fact several Year 8’s tower over teachers.
They are not fixed in their world views either and are open to opinions and ideas other than their own most of the time. At times they still mirror beliefs and attitudes created through family experiences, but they are also more likely to step outside those – which as we all know means children daring to have views other than our own and even worse, they don’t need us to steamroll a clear pathway ahead.
For example, tennis and football is not long term ‘glue’ by which to form friend groups by the end of Year 8. As a college this is a unique dynamic which I’ve found other teachers in other colleges struggle to understand. Is there code rivalry? – of course! Just sit down with adults and try to work out which sporting code is better than another! As I said, kids often echo behaviours first observed in family groups and I’d argue that ‘which sport is the best sport?’ is almost a national pastime in Australia.
The reality in our classroom is that this is not an attrition factor at all, but helps maintain diversity. Other teachers at other colleges often ask ‘do the two sports get along?’ My answer is … ‘Yes, just like motorists get along, the goal is the same – to get where you want to go, not fixate on the car you drive.’
Research shows time and again that friend networks which successfully transcend narrow shared beliefs and experiences have strong ties and that weak ties emerge from divisive groups. Those people with strong ties in relationships often achieve more, feel better and do less ‘damage’ to others. It’s great to see Year 8 forming diverse, strong, healthy and productive friend groups which often produce fantastic work. But it’s an ongoing process … we didn’t start it and we certainly don’t claim to have finished it.
It is always useful to reflect on how much students grow as people in their first two years of high college. It’s less useful to quiz them on how much they remember. There are days where it feels like we’re herding cats, but many more where we get glimpses of the people they will become and watching them form potentially life-long friend networks that will sustain them. Teachers have to weave in and out, finding that zen balance between being authoritative (to keep the class moving) and stepping back to see what they do and help them when they struggle or become frustrated.
Finishing Year 8 doesn’t have the fanfare of Year 10 or 12, but the first two years of high college often see children establish networks that last a lifetime. It’s good to know that these students can communicate with each other and express their ideas of friendship – because it’s friends, fans and supporters who will lift them up when they need it most – high above the keyboard warriors and critics that are also part of the journey to adulthood.
Well done Year 8 – we’ll see you in the next chapter.
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
I really enjoyed your blog Dean.
Great insight for parents into a stage of our college.